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I am not a player!
Stop calling me one.
Do i really look like one?
In what way do i look like one?
Tell me tell me.
I look so guai lor!
*puzzled look*
I really don’t understand why people say i look like a player.
Yes i may be playful and mischevious at times.
But i am serious when it comes to matters of the heart.
In fact, too serious that i consider too much and allow my rational mind to take over my emotional heart.
Which thus explains why i stop or hesistate to move on.
I am no way near a player.
Too rational to be one.
Though at times i wish i am one.
Then i will not have so much pain.
And life may seem easier.
But i am not.
And i can’t.
It’s just not me.
Did i do anything wrong?
Was there some misunderstanding?
Perhaps i was just being overly-sensitive.
Maybe i just think too much into it.
Probably i was affected by that post.
Oh man, i hate this part of me.
Never was i so bothered by all these things.
Never was i being so overly-sensitive.
Never have i felt jealous.
I think as i grow older, i am beginning to feel these more often.
Perhaps this is retribution, if there really is such thing.
And i am scared that i may evolve into this sensitive shit that will just destroy all relationships or destroy myself.
But i wasn’t one, not even near, in the past.
And it scares me when i encounter such people.
Hence, i really hate to be one.
But somehow, i have a feeling i may turn into one.
And that thought kinda scare me.
Sometimes we get so disappointed or frustrated with what’s going on in our life that we choose to run away.
To run away from the situation or issue.
To run away from the emotions.
To run away from everybody else.
To run away even from ourselves.
But the truth is, we can never run away from ourselves
As in a quote, “We can never break up with our life”.
Our life follows wherever we go.
By running away, we can only temporarily push the issue aside.
But it will never get resolved.
It will never disappear.
We can never hide from a problem or truth.
But what we can do is to face it, embrace it, and solve it.
“To be real is to embrace your own truth, and when you dare to embrace your own truth, even in the face of contradicting evidence, life will turn its beautiful face towards you.”
Why do people wanna love when it’s so full of pain?
But i guess it is through these pain that we learnt how to love.
Looking at the bright cheery flowers outside the window just make me smile.
So cheery. So lovely.
Hoping for them to achieve full bloom in CNY.
.
.
.
Went shopping at the orchards with my parents and got ourselves 3 potted flowers.
They are simply too lovely and irrestible.
Okay, i know, J must be laughing at me again for liking flowers.
For being so girly again.
But who says liking flowers = girly?
I just appreciate all things pretty. :p
Hey, they are really pretty!
They are so delicate and lovely.
And that makes me worried about their safety just lying outside.
I wanted to bring them in but was rejected.
Now, all i can is to pray for their safety against the nasty hands who may be present.
I should have known better than to succumb myself to it.
I should have known the effect it will have on me.
My heart resonates the film and the film resonates my heart.
The emotions, the struggles, the confusion.
I thought it was all ok, but apparently it was not.
A long road ahead to go.
I spent the whole of Sunday watching almost the whole of Season 1 of Heroes, 20 episodes to be exact.
Thank God for the marathon on Star World.
The New Season starts showing in our homeland tml and i’m still 2 episodes away from the end.
I just gotta give up for now.
My eyes are simply too tired to continue now.
Hopefully i will find time tml to finish up the 2 and to start on the new season.
Caught this preview today.
A french movie. And a true story.
French movies are always very different.
The movie started with a first-person view, meaning we see it the way the character sees it, literally.
Then we were slowly introduced the third-person view and the movie progresses with an interchange of first-person and third-person view.
By thus, we are introduced to the character’s emotion and thoughts but at the same time, taking a step back to understand the movie and take flight on this journey.
The interplay of visuals as something like methaphor works great, at least i love it.
I thought that the movie is very real.
It explores issues that engages everyone.
Sometimes we get so focused on our limitations that we overlook or kill our potential/future.
The Diving Bell was an entrapment while the Butterfly refers to freedom.
The former being his body and the latter refering to his imagination.
Like the phrase, “let your imagination take flight”.
Let your imagination bring you to a place where you overcome your entrapment or obstacles.
Hence, this movie is an inspiration and reminder to that.
It is also a movie about determination.
Where he wrote a book, letter by letter, through the blinking of his eye.
And the persistence of the people around him, not giving him up.
The movie is also humorous. The dialogues are real and funny.
But the movie also brought to my mind how many a times, we may be putting words or thoughts into another person.
Especially one who is incapable of expressing themselves.
It makes me wonder whether “doing what is best of others” really is best for others.
Are we speaking their voice or our own voice?
Oh by the way, the female characters all look exeptionally stunning.
But i was kinda confused as in who is who since they all look rather the same to me.
Anyway this is a movie that doesn’t stir much emotions but thoughts.
It propels you to think and puts you in a reflective mode.
This is a movie for people who love art films.
For those who wants to be inspired.
This is a movie that you will have to concentrate to truly understand.
I admit i wasn’t in the right “condition” when i caught this movie some time ago.
And thus i wasn’t able to fully appreciate the movie.
It was a intellectually stimulating movie, i guess.
As it brings you on a journey in the investigation.
It also put forth many controversies and set you in a mode of “discovery” and questions.
I particularly like the last part of the whole movie.
As i thought there was an element of surprise and understanding.
Where everything kinda fall into place.
What the whole 2 hour was talking about.
Plus the wit, it was cute!
Yea this is a movie for people who likes to be challenged intellectually.
And someone who can concentrate through the whole movie with about 90% just pure talking.
Don’t expect to see actions here.
Perhaps, the most “action” thingy in this film, is people running around, if my memory doesn’t fail me that is.
A year ago, she was in a similar situation and i couldn’t do anything.
A year later, she is back in the situation and once again, i couldn’t do anything.
Not even a word of comfort.
I was just speechless when i face her.
A lost of word.
Oh man, why do i get so tense up whenever i meet her?
Why am i such a “shy” and “closed” person.
But glad that at least she enjoyed the show.
I felt like the character in the show.
Helpless. But to others instead of myself.
Though yes i am helpless to this “emotional-closeness” of myself too.
Being trapped and stucked.
And being able to think but not act.
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