Obstacles

It still hurt.

Maybe i really am not suited for this job.

I am so sick of tearing to sleep every single day.

What can i do?

How can i help them?

Or how can i truly “bochup” them and not let them affect me?

And it’s worse when the church and people ard doesn’t understand what i am going through at this phase of my life.

Perhaps this is the reality of life.

No one to depend on other than yourself.

No one to support you other than yourself.

Maybe this world is just about your ownself.

Coz no matter what you do, people may not appreciate it anyway.

I have been so tired. Tired of the busy schedules. Tired of occupying my mind just with work and kids. Tired of feeling lousy because i am not doing well enough for my kids.

Discouraged

Feeling very discouraged right now.

All the happenings and results are just making me question my suitability to the job.

What my ‘client’ think of me and the ‘product’ i deliver is vital to me.

Hence, their inputs hit me very hard.

And yes i hate comparison but i guess that’s inevitable.

Too many diverse comments and it’s confusing.

And it’s worse coz i can feel myself shortchanging them too.

But to hear it from their mouth just make it worse.

Truth hurts!

And what i’ve done may have even gone unappreicated.

Haii i guess, no matter what you do, there will always be 2 parties.

1 who favors u and 1 who don’t.

And i’m just too emo to always be affected by those who don’t.

I am too emotionally attached to my job and to my client and this is seriously gonna kill me in this job.

And sometimes i just feel like i’m so alone in this journey. So lonely and so dark with huge waves constantly crashing onto me.

Routine

Life has been a routine.

Waking up at 5, start work at 6 and end abt 8/9. Home for dinner + abit of leisure time/ continue working before heading back to bed where the whole routine repeats again.

I miss hanging out with all my pals.

All those dinner and dessert time.

Have been so tired that Daddy gotta wake me up every single day.

Took the luxury of resting and slacking over the weekends despite mountains of work awaiting to be completed.

For once, after a very long time, i woke up early today, ahead of Daddy.

I wish for more of this but it seems in the near future, it appears to be unlikely.

I have such no life now.

Falling into what everybody expects of this job.