You are currently browsing the monthly archive for February 2009.
I turned into a Magician yesterday.
A lousy one though. :p
Did a magic trick when I was sharing morning devotion with the school.
Shared on a message that was very personal to me and used a rope trick as a form of presentation.
I’m glad it turns out well in the end though there is a small hiccup.
It engages as people have said and they like it.
Yes, I appeared silly but it receives good response.
And that it all that matters.
That’s what it’s all about, I guess.
To be able to grab their attention and share a word.
It has been refreshing for me too!
Thank God for it all!
Praise the Lord!
Work has been piling like mad.
It has always been deadlines and more deadlines.
New projects, new assignments, new wadever not.
I have been leaving at 10pm for the past three days. And that makes up 15hours being at work each day.
I have to admit that I’m feeling the heat which kinda explain my emotional being this week.
Cried twice this week.
Once when I was in the cab and on my way home. A familiar tune played on the radio and the tears just trickle.
The second time was when I was in the office after viewing a couple of videos on animal cruelty. Sometimes, I really feel disappointed with the human race. With how they can be so inhumane and heartless. How they treat not only animals but sometimes human beings too with cruelty. Why can’t they just love one another or at least live in peace with one another? I guess my colleague sitting next to me was kinda shocked when I started crying. I felt quite silly about it too. But I simply can’t control my tears. It just kept flowing. Perhaps it has gotta do with the penned up emotions that have been lurking around for quite some time. So once the “tap” is open, it just flows.
And because of the frequent crying incidents, I feel so much like a crybaby now. I still remember I wasn’t like this in the past. I wasn’t even near it. But it seems I have gotten worse over the years. Or is it a good thing? I also dunno. All I can say is that I’ve grown to be more sensitive to my emotions and fragile in my heart now.
Another sad story.
Another example to prove how potent February 19th is.
The incident really do shock.
And what’s worse is that it brings back flashbacks of the past.
I kinda understand how it feels like coz I was in it before.
Though the extent wasn’t the same.
No matter how rational or logical a person is, or how strong and tough a person is, there will still be a moment when he or she will fail.
When one is in such a situatiom, the mind just seem to cease working and the negativity just keeps drawing you deeper into the pit.
That’s when you kinda lose yourself and succumb to weakness.
Or being seduced to take the easier way out.
It’s scary coz it seems like there is a voice just keeps crying out to you.
who keeps enticing you over to his/her side.
While one party is drawn to take the easier way out, the other party have to bear the guilt.
Actually, I know no matter what I say, the guilt and regrets will be there to stay.
I remember the days when I started doubting myself.
And started regretting what I have or have not done.
I always think that if I have done something more or different, things would have been different.
But truth is, no one is 100% sure of that.
And it took me years to realise that and get past it all.
So i know, no words can really comfort or bring the guilt or regrets away.
I guess only time can heal the wounds.
And to lighten the guilt and regrets.
“We should acknowledge differences, we should greet differences, until difference makes no difference anymore.”
- Adela A. Allen
A quote I came across that speaks for my work and life.
I still hate February.
It is still a month I can’t forget.
A month where i was brought up to heaven and sent straight to hell right after.
Those past experiences seem to haunt.
I told myself that it has long been over and I have gotten over it.
But still, the impact can be felt so strongly still.
My mood is stil being affected.
And because of that, everything else get affected too.
February is always a cursed and emo month.
Even till today, it is still the case.
When will i ever get past a cursed February?
Friends, do pardon me.
I get very fragile in February.
Soon, it’ll be over.
2 more weeks to March.
I can’t wait.
I have been feeling so tired and upset about work lately.
It feels like i’m at the edge.
At the brink of being overwhelmed.
I’m no longer feeling excited about work like i used to be.
It’s been more of a dread lately.
Of fear even.
I’m in serious need of a break.
A break from work.
A break from eveything.
Sometimes i do wonder, why do we have to work so hard?
And why do i have to care so much?
Is it really worth it at the end of the day?
I guess i am too emotional to be suited for this job.
And i don’t know how not to be emotional or involved.
This is so gonna bring me my downfall.
I can so imagine it.
I’m feeling so upset.
I’m feeling so tired.
And i’m feeling so FAT.
I’m sick of screaming every single day.
I’m tired of scolding every single day.
Where is my enthusiasm?
Where is my energy?
Where are my cute little ones?
Why is it always that people on the other side are more appreciative?
It’s so hard to be all and everything.
And i know i can’t be all and everything but right now i’m feeling like nothing.
I’m feeling so drained and unhappy.
I just feel so lost and useless.
I’m beginning to dislike my job.
I’m beginning to dread going to work.
And i’m beginning to fear for the future.
Finally went for a flight at the Singapore Flyer yesterday under the companion of my colleagues and the Aussies.
We received a promotion and off we went immediately.
So very truly Singaporean.
The experience was alright though i must say i was a little scared to look vertically down due to my height phobia.
But the view was stunning.
I love the night scene.
I love the buildings.
I love the roads.
But i really don’t think it’s romantic.
Especially if someone has height phobia.
I don’t know.
Maybe it’s also coz we were quite a big group yesterday.
I have been feeling good today.
In a real good mood.
Have been feeling so light, quite rare for a weekday.
SO i’m happy.
Probably coz i had a chance to party on sat and a good rest on sun.
Plus the fact that i refused to do any work and just slack my sun away by watching tv, a rare pastime nowadays.
And i was greeted with nice music the first thing in the morning.
I think all that had really work for me.
No wonder the Chinese says, 休息是为了走更长的路!
And the way we start the day really sets the tone for the rest of the day.
A song keep ringing in my hear since the morning…
“It’s a beautiful day!”
Recent Comments