You are currently browsing the monthly archive for September 2009.
Just when will things start getting better?
Week by week, more and more bad news.
One after the other, leaving me almost breathless.
From my own life, to work, to students and now my family.
Almost every area of my life is in a mess now.
Nothing seems to work out.
Wondering when will I really collapse?
Or perhaps that’s what life wants me to do.
To just collapse.
Been trying my best to just hang on still and move on.
But sometimes it is really tiring.
Everything just seems to be in pitch black now.
When will I see the light?
“The past and future are irrelevant, the moment is everything.”
Head in the Clouds
I can’t believe the holiday is ending.
Did not have a break at all.
Whole week was spent on work.
Not a single day of rest.
I miss daydreaming. :p
Where I am able to enter into another realm of imagined realities.
And just lose myself in it.
I miss a real holiday!
It was a happy day yesterday.
Something I haven’t been feeling for a while.
The day started with me being able to clear my markings and return to the kids just on time.
Had a great start to the lesson with my favorite kids.
You-tubed during the break and fell in love with some new canto pop songs.
Had another remedial and was glad I made the kid clearer about the things she was previusly unclear about.
Went over to R’s place, planning to get a nap but my mind was way to ative to sleep.
Collected her car and went hoe to pick the little one.
Finslly the ice broke and we were running aroung and playing with the little one.
And people question whether is there one or two kids (coz i;m like the other one).
Played with the camera and it was fun taking pictures of the night.
Went to Canele for dinner and dessert as a birthday treat from the girls.
Thanks!
Head over to Blooie’s for drinks before retiring back to R’s.
The whole I was in a hyper mood.
Feeling pretty light and happy.
Wasn’t even affected by certain things.
I realised I have learnt to take certain things more lightly.
And i’m proud that I didn’t shed a single tear the whole week.
Yayy! 
My birthday this year was a simple yet rather special affair.
It started with work and then I was sent out for a seminar.
Came back and met up with friends for an interesting meal.
Got introduced to food I have never tried before.
The local delights.
They were always laughign at me for not haveign tasted many of the local food.
And so yea I was educated that night. :p
The next day I was off to Malaysia for a retreat.
Work still but it was a good break.
Met and catch up with people I worked with previously.
It was great seeing them.
Still enjoying the bickering that we had.
That’s just how we communicate.
And it presses into my heart that I should do something to maintain this rather new friendship.
That it shouldn’t just be about work.
But it should really be a real friendship.
The 2 days was a good break.
I realised that throughout that 2 days, I was happy.
Not having to think about anything.
And forgetting about all the things that’s happening.
I didn’t revisit any of the emo moments.
And that’s great.
Came back feeling slightly refreshed and with a maybe new mentality.
Though I’m not too sure if i can really pull it off for long.
But at least I’m not crying now.
I guess, reality is setting in and I’m taking it better.
And I’m trying to put all hopes down and aside.
Everyday convincing myself of the possibly truth.
And i guess that works.
A cry baby I have been lately.
Crying on my birthday.
I cried the night before my birthday and into my birthday.
I cried on the day of my birthday.
And I cried on the night of my birthday to the next.
It’s pretty hard to manage my emotions at the moment.
I jsut need a little time to get things clear in my mind.
That’s all.
It has been quite some since I cried so hard.
Things just haven’t been working well.
Work, Family, Friendship and my own emotions.
Even my class and students.
I should have spent more time with them and maybe things may not happen.
I dunno.
It feels like my world is crumbling down on me.
Perhaps it’s coz my birthday is coming and usually i feel really emo on special occasion.
Don’t ask me why coz I’m unsure why my body is engineered that way.
I don’t like weddings and I don’t like my own birthday.
In fact, I hated wedding.
And to be me, by being present is the most I can be or do.
Coz it takes a lot of courage for me to just appear.
But soemtimes such act is not enough for many people.
Nobody knows really how it felt to be me.
Hence, it has been communicated that I shall refrain from all weddings unless it is my bestest pals (which are the few who truly understands me).
Anyway I don’t liek many other occasions too.
Because all it brings are just painful memories and heartaches.
The heartache of missing people and life.
Have been rather moody recently.
Been trying to convince myself of certain things everyday.
But everyday I failed.
And it’s hard when scenes kept playing in my mind.
I just need soem time to regain my balance in life again.
I feel so tired now.
From work, all the things that’s happening and crying.
Sometimes I don’t even know why I cry so easily now.
Tears just flow and I just can’t stop them.
I’m just thankful for the people around me, family, friends, colleagues and my boss.
Family, friends and colleagues for bearing with me and sticking by and being understanding, especially to my emotions and busyness.
My so-called boss for always checking on me for fear that I will burn out.
I think I’m just not suited for love.
Handicapped and cursed by it.
When I fall, I fall hard and I hurt hard.
I guess it’s karma, but I have received back so many punishments now.
When is it gonna end?
Recent Comments