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I just lost my naval stud.
How timely it is.
A lost stud, a lost hope, a lost me.
Perhaps it’s fate.
Perhaps it’s a hint.
Perhaps, perhaps!
It has been very tough lately.
I am so lost nowadays that I no longer know what to do.
I’ve been given so much hope and then get disappointed.
And I am now very afraid of more disappointments.
I hope I can pull it through though I really don’t know how.
Why must life be so complicated?
What am I waiting for, a friend asked.
Honestly, I do not know.
Or rather, I know nothing pleasant will come out of it.
I know I will never be able to satisfy or fulfill.
But yet a part of me keeps wishing.
On some occasion, I think I am the one who can’t handle the pressures and stress.
Have run away instead and was real worried with all the sayings and gossips.
I am really lost now.
Why is it that good things always don’t last?
When I thought all is well, there will sure bound to be some disappointments coming up.
But I guess I should count my blessings.
At least there has been some trying.
Though it may purely humoring, but I still cherish it a lot.
I’m a simple person.
I’m easy to please but easy to be hurt as well.
Fragile am I.
不见面不是应该有所帮助吗？
为什么一切却变得更加困难，更加伤痛？
为什么每晚都为你哭泣， 为你窒息？
为什么在国外，一切都似乎变得容易，但一回来，去的每一个地方，都有你的回忆，做的每一件事，都想起你？
为什么我总觉得你这一次的离去是永远的离别？
为什么我的心又痛了？
不是应该已经无所谓了吗？
我不是已经有所进展吗，为什么又好象回到原点了？
为什么我又好像掉进洞里，又沉没在黑暗里了呢？
As I’m sitting here staring at my assignment at starbucks, I saw the power of love.
An old grandma was assisted on both arms by both the nurse and husband to starbucks for a cuppa coffee.
The grandma could barely talk and walk.
She will walk about 10-15 steps before stopping.
And all these while, both the nurse and husband is by her side cheering her on.
There, I saw 3 types of love from 3 different people.
The grandma, having the love for life or even love for family. She, who has difficulty in walking, just kept trying and walking. No matter how tiring it seems, she tried and tried, taking breaks in between but she doesn’t give up.
The husband, having such love for his wife. Not afraid of any troubles and problems, but just to bring the wife out for a cup of coffee. Very patient, very encouraging, very selfless.
The nurse, havin love for her job and love for the patient. So dutifully doing her job without complaints or any bit of irritation. She kept encouraging and cheering and smiling.
Seeing these makes me wonder if I will ever be able to do what all 3 of them have done? To have that kind of love for life, for my family and even for my job.
I also wonder, when I am old, will I be surrounded with such people of love? Or will I just grow old alone with depression?
That scares me…
Sometimes it just seems so hard.
For so long, I’ve based my life on someone else.
I’ve lost myself.
And now, I am trying to live back my own life.
But sometimes it just seems so hard.
Especially now that I am back.
It seems the air and the atmosphere here seems so heavy.
Sometimes to a point that I can’t breathe.
Why is that so?
I’ve made progress and I can’t fail npw.
The road to recovery is always diificult, i guess.
And honestly, though I have made progress in some ways, I still secretly wish that I am being remembered and missed.
Everytime my phone beeps, I still hope to see that familiar name and number.
How I wish I am overseas again, where all these are non-existent.
Where I don’t get affected.
Where I don’t feel any pain.
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